out of strenght.

I'm a victim.
Life's victim.
I always find myself drowning in life's new plans.
Plans to eventually make me happier, i guess.

But for now, the only thing i can think of is that life is powertripping.
It's enjoying way too much its power on us and taking advantage of it.
Might sound silly maybe crazy, as well but, i feel like i'm stuck in a 100 feet whole, leading no where.
Like this whole is also covered by something huge that is hiding the light.

Once again i'm stuck there.
Without any form of strenght.
There's simply nothing i can do to fix things, nor to make them better.
I wish i could simply show that man how valuable he is to me.
I hope he knows.
I hope he never forgets.
How of a role model he always has been to me.. and still is, until further notice.

I'm having a hard time realising that life's going to take him away from me.
How can that be possible: to lose two Dads in less than four years.
How can someone normal survive that amount of pain?

I admit that i'm kinda more prepared this time. But, am i prepared enough?
Nobody can be.
Eventhough i know how the pain while raise up and how it will get to a point of too much pain to bear.

I also know that i need and have to focus on the good moments i spent with him.
It'll give me strenght and give him some, as well.
He already is stronger than i thought. Making jokes around, like he always does.
Even knowing that there's no possible chances of total healing, i saw him suffer so much... but, the second right after he was laughing and messing around.
I wish i had that strenght of mind.

He's my hero.
Second to my Dad?
Not quite sure.
They're both different in some ways, kinda like Superman and Spiderman.
One flies, other move with spiderweb.
But, in the end, they both work hard to save lives.

And they both, once, saved mine.