The end has only begun

School year isn't done yet.
Still I see it's ending running after me.
Remembering that I won't be able to find enough time. Or that I won't be creative enough. Good enough. Or concentrated enough.

I'm afraid as hell.
I see my future coming straight forward.
The only thing I'm thinking of, is to take a step backwards.
But, I won't.
I have dreams, ambitions.
Things I want and need, for my own sake, to pursue.

I'm not even inspired to write here.
I keep myself busy to forget about what's bothering me.
Somedays, its working.
Some others.. I close my rooms door. And sing sad songs out loud.
Mommy's used to it!
Plus, fortunately, she can't get crazier than me!!
Anyways. I'm busy.
Pretending that everything is fine.
Cause only few really wants to know.
And I only want to tell to less persons.


...So...
Future is scaring me.
No. Not Future Shop. Sillynesses!!!
THE Future. As in opposed to past. Which is pretty messy.
I hope and dream for my future to be perfectly beautiful and worthy.
Will I be moving 3hours from here.
Will I even get in there.
Will I succeed.
Will I love and cherish my new life and job and field of study.

I dream of walking in the oldQc streets in between classes.
Holding a lovely man's hand or not.
I wish to feel better every morning when I wake up.
I hope for better and brighter days.

I know they'll come.
Just somehow wish I could make them [happy days] come faster, sooner.

That's that for now.
Don't know how I could express it better.

Oh. By the way.
He's walking back around a little.
He apparently thinks of me often and says I must not change cause I'm "great".
Oh well.



Time helps?
The best is yet to come, then.