Today, i pictured myself driving 120km/h and getting close enough to a metal beam that i could kiss it, only if the impact wouldn't kill me right away.
Today was a sunny day, just like it was four years ago... Right after he left us.
That year and the couple of months before were a preview of how hell must be.
I never understood how we got through this. Nor how it got us to become closer.
Thought we would all break apart. Some did. But, no one that really matters.
Back then, it felt like my whole world was crashing down.
Like everything i worked for, since i saw the light, was for nothing.
And then, once in that dark hole, no light could be seen.
I never felt as lonely as that day... and the days following.
I never felt complete again... until now.
That must be why this year, that day... was the hardest ever.
Cause now that i found someone to make me smile again, i think i'm scared that i let myself forget him.
Eventhough deep down i know it's impossible...
I will always hope to see him appear in some random place.
Telling me he never passed away and he was really watching on us ever since.
But, i know it's only wishful thinking....
The pain is still there. It never will leave.
You just get use for it to be there and with the years, you learn how to forget it's painful.
Miss you.
