Juste pour voir le monde...

Je me suis souvent imaginée ailleurs.
Depuis l'élément déclencheur de plusieurs péripéties et rebondissements de ma vie j'ai toujours eu ce désir de voir le monde. J'ai toujours voulu croire qu'ils y seraient, peut-être.
J'ai voulu ce qui m'arrive. Et je réalise que ma place est où j'étais et où je retournerai.

Ça m'a beaucoup apporté. Sauf ce que j'aurais le plus espérer.
J'aurais voulu les retrouver. Les revoir eux ou une meilleure version d'eux-mêmes, si ça se peut...
Une réincarnation pourquoi pas.
Ils me manquent c'est tout.

Je crois que mon désir transparent de voir ailleurs a fait en sorte que j'arrive où je suis.
J'ai toujours voulu vivre ce qui serait qualifier comme le plus beau jour de ma vie.
Je l'ai vécu à 22ans 8mois et 5jours. Le 20 Janvier 2010.
Le jour où j'ai laissé mon coeur parler. Le jour où son coeur s'est remis à m'écouter.
Malheureusement, mon chemin était déjà tracé.
On devait se quitter, pour mieux se retrouver, pour mieux commencer ou recommencer.
Grâce au voyage qui est sur le point de se terminer, j'aurai la chance de revivre le bonheur que m'a fait vivre la plus belle journée de ma vie. Revoir les étincelles dans ces yeux, son sourire s'élargir, voir en lui ce que je suis, ce que nous sommes et ce que nous deviendrons. Des regards remplis d'espoir et des sourires pleins d'avenir.

À travers toute la peine que j'ai pu vivre à espérer revoir mes deux anges gardiens et en traversant l'océan des larmes que j'ai versé, j'ai découvert en moi un désir de réussir, sur toute la ligne. Avec toi. Je ne peux plus vivre autrement. C'est ce que j'apprend ici.

Je t'aime.
Pour toute la vie!

Woah.

La vie, telle qu'on l'a connait, a toujours été écrasante.
Vivre ma propre vie n'a jamais été très facile. Les hauts et les bas quotidiens.
Par contre, comprendre la vie des autres deviens parfois un immense défi.

Je me retrouve à toujours désirer le bonheur des autres avant le mien. Mettant plus souvent qu'autrement ma santé et mon confort personnel en péril. Je suis coupable d'avoir reçu un trop grand coeur. Voilà le résultat d'une alliance entre deux grands coeurs. Ce qui fait en sorte que je me retrouve trop souvent à me demander si j'ai vraiment ma place. Si je fais vraiment ce que je dois faire. Je suis, à mon avis, toujours là pour les autres mais, combien seront là pour moi lorsque j'en aurai besoin. À des millions de kilomètres des gens à qui je tiens le plus au monde, je me remet en question continuellement. Je deviens même jalouse des gens qui ont la chance d'y être actuellement.

C'est même gens qui ne réalisent probablement pas la chance qu'ils ont d'y être mais, surtout d'y être si bien entouré. La vie nous crée assez d'obstacles et de problèmes et je ne comprend pas pourquoi certaines personnes essaient de se créer plus de mal que de bien. Probablement de la même manière que certaines personnes ne comprennent pas le besoin de se faire faire un tattoo alors que les gens tombent malades continuellement. Pourquoi créer nos propres virus alors que la seule justice dans cette vie est que tout le monde vieilli et tout le monde fini par mourir. Peut-être est-ce pour savoir notre destinée. Je crée mon propre problème alors je connais automatiquement la solution pour m'en sortir. L'antidote à mon virus. Est-ce pour rajouter du "piquant" dans une vie monotone. Ou simplement pour tout contrôler. Ou encore pour vouloir être le seul maître de notre vie et décider de ce qu'on en fait.

Quoi qu'il en soit il faut être assez naïf pour croire que la vie ne peut se venger sur les actions que nous avons pris. Elle décide de tout, pour tous. Moi, il y a bien longtemps que j'ai décidé de la laisser me mener par le bout du nez. Ça ne rend pas mes jours plus faciles, ça les rend plus spéciaux. Je ne sais pas ce qui m'attendra demain mais, je sais que si la vie me le permet, je serai la fille la plus heureuse de la Terre, le 19 décembre.


it only matters how true you are, be true to yourself and follow your heart.

far far away

In the Kingdom of far far away is now living a Princess with the only wish of going away.
Every one tells her to enjoy the time that she spends in the most romantic Kingdoms of all but how is it possible for any Princess to enjoy a life far from her Prince!?

Of course it's a good and great opportunity to be here. Never have and never will deny it. The ones who truly can understand what i am going through are the ones that have lived what i am living. Life doesn't get better than this. It all starts from the moment you find your other half. The man of your life. I feel it in my bones. I get chills just by thinking about seeing him again. Starting our many projects. He makes me weak but, stronger at the same time. He brings out the best in me and make the worst go away. He became my everything.

I find it sad that some of you already are tired of seeing me happy. Thats sad for you though.. just means you're not there yet. People seem to judge fast and think they know it all before it ever happened to them. Same thing happened couple years ago. Only difference was that i was far from being happy back then. I had lost it all. Still many were judging my actions. I have lost "friends" cause of that, that is really where you find your true friends. When something really good or really bad happen to you. Some stick around, others just find reasons to disappear. Too bad.

I am happier than i have ever been in almost five years now. And it won't stop!
Deal with it.

(:

all my life, i prayed for someone like you

I just feel like writing, so forget it all if it doesn't make sense at all.
And the title stands only for the song that is actually playing on my cellphone.

I am waiting.
For the time to go by.
For the snow to fall down.
For the plane to land back in Montreal, where i belong.

I didn't leave yet and i'm already missing my people, my life, my love.
He is the reason i am still alive, the reason i still want to keep breathing.
He makes me believe that everyday will be better.
And mostly, that WE will be better.
Staying together!

Thats that for now... i am kinda trying to chase after time..
'Later!!

the show must go on...

Sometimes I'm up.
Sometimes I'm down.
Everything seems to bring me back to you.
To US.
To what we used to be.
And to what we became.


It seems like the more things change, the more they stay the same. There is usually no problem when things stay like they are, like they were and like they are meant to be.
Unless those things got worst while changing...
Once you get something that you waited for a long time, is it normal to miss even more the times you had to chase after what you need?


Why is it that we always want what we can't have. Or that we are always looking for more.
Why can't it just be enough?
Why can't I be happy with my life and stop complaining?
I always see the darkest in everything. And only when I'm so deep down, I try and find some solutions. It is never easy. Never was and never will be.


Not so long ago, I was thinking that it was normal for me to feel depressed cause of everything i went through in the last couple of years. But, I came to the conclusion that we are all different from one another and that our reactions to some events can't always be similar.
So this is how I decided that I would no longer judge others situations and that I would TRY and live as fully as I can.


GOD wouldn't want me to cry over him every single second of my life. The planet is still turning.... the show must go on!

Daddy's little girl.

**That should have been posted on friday**

Today, i pictured myself driving 120km/h and getting close enough to a metal beam that i could kiss it, only if the impact wouldn't kill me right away.

Today was a sunny day, just like it was four years ago... Right after he left us.

That year and the couple of months before were a preview of how hell must be.

I never understood how we got through this. Nor how it got us to become closer.

Thought we would all break apart. Some did. But, no one that really matters.

Back then, it felt like my whole world was crashing down.

Like everything i worked for, since i saw the light, was for nothing.

And then, once in that dark hole, no light could be seen.

I never felt as lonely as that day... and the days following.

I never felt complete again... until now.

That must be why this year, that day... was the hardest ever.

Cause now that i found someone to make me smile again, i think i'm scared that i let myself forget him.

Eventhough deep down i know it's impossible...

I will always hope to see him appear in some random place.

Telling me he never passed away and he was really watching on us ever since.

But, i know it's only wishful thinking....

The pain is still there. It never will leave.

You just get use for it to be there and with the years, you learn how to forget it's painful.

Miss you.

pursuit of happiness

It's only when you doubt it the less that dark memories come back to attack.

How is it possible to go through such great adventures and still find something to complain about.

Shouldn't I know, of all people, that life's too short?

Thought i had grown up.

Thought i was done pulling myself down.

I have waited for him all my life and now that we, finally, are reunited... I still find ways to push him away...

Not so far but, still.

Shouldn't i be grateful for having him around, like i dreamt of for so long before.

He was there from the start.

Love at first sight.
He always finds the ways to bring the best out of me.
...to make me believe in who i'm supposed to be.

The pursuit of happiness is starting... our story is only begining now, and i feel like i have been with him forever.
Like we are meant to be; oh wait, we are!
And never should be apart from each other again.

We complete one another like no other.
He helps me breathe, he guides me and mostly, he believes in me & loves me.

i will never let you down.
never again.



i love you!